![]() ![]() And I don’t know whether a real-life crab has ever come up to you and started aggressively urging you to kiss a mermaid, but it isn’t a pretty sight. The main problem here is that Sebastian the crab looks very much like an actual crab. It is terrifying, but nothing compared to Sebastian the crab. However, the bird is here for one reason and one reason only, to goad a member of the royal family into having it away with a mermaid. A giant realistic-looking gannet, all claws and beak, the sort of bird that could absolutely terrorise a human if it wanted to. Because seconds later, a bird comes flying in out of nowhere. shared a lil' part of their world with the #MTVAwards in this exclusive clip □ #TheLittleMermaid /vmOuPyzDAz- MTV May 8, 2023 A talking fish, like the one that told Tony Soprano that Big Pussy was an informant in The Sopranos, but hornier. So when a fish suddenly lurches out of the water to implore Eric to kiss Ariel, that’s exactly what you’re seeing. The remake, however, cannot achieve this, because it has leant on Favreau’s style of photorealism. As such, he was able to express a number of subtle human characteristics that just about kept the song friendly, as opposed to freakishly perverted. That said, you could give it a pass, because the crab was hand-animated and heavily anthropomorphised. Now, Kiss the Girl was never the best part of The Little Mermaid, because it is at heart a song about a crab who is freakishly invested in the sight of a human getting off with a mermaid, and so represents perhaps the most niche type of pornography ever depicted in a Disney movie. In it, Bailey’s Ariel sits in a boat with Jonah Hauer-King’s Prince Eric, and the pair of them share a moment of romantic tension. ![]() It’s a clip of Kiss the Girl, a song from the original movie. ![]() But the characters played by people were just as eerie, not least Melissa McCarthy’s Ursula, who for the benefit of this adaptation has been transformed into what can only be described as the landlady of the world’s least desirable pub.īut MTV has released a clip of the movie and, well, seeing the characters in motion has only made it worse. Flounder in particular looked like something a fishmonger would pump full of fibreglass and leave in the front window. Not quite real, but also not exactly full of life. The film’s animals, the ones you remember from your childhood, all looked flat and lifeless. We knew this might be the case, of course, after last month’s onslaught of character posters hinted at the atrocities to come. Not that it will land just right, of course, because as things stand, the only legacy that The Little Mermaid will leave is as the ugliest goddamned film of all time.
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